sudden bout of emo. sudden urge to blog.

decided to take LAB1201 as well as GEK2001 as my electives this semester. learning malay has been something that i really wanna do in uni, and so far, the timetable just.keep.clashing. so i had no choice but to take up behasa indonesia so as to build up my foundation for malay first. taking GEK2001 to clear my requirements so that i can graduate next year in peace, without having to worry if there's any modules that i have not cleared.

seems like i'm quite sure i'm not taking honours huh. well, it's kind of difficult. really. i can't end up with a third class honours. that will be too embarrassing. yes, my interest lies in chemistry. but that doesn't mean i have to do honours just because i am interested in chemistry right? i know- i'm finding excuses and making myself feel better. but really, i find it hard to sustain my interest because of my poor results. if i can keep reading chemistry and specialize in physical or spectroscopy chemistry, i will be more than willing to keep reading it. but exams are such turn offs. major turn offs.

looking back, i really regretted my year 1. what have i been doing all these while. i should have repeated year 1, really. and now that i'm halfway through year 2, i'm being all pessimistic and saying these kinda craps. i know, what's the point of regretting? life gives no chances to regrets, all i can do is move on. and how do i move on from here? i've said this before: nobody said that you have to graduate with an honours degree. but really, can i leave nus with a bachelor degree and not a tint of regret? i can't. yet i know fully well where my standard lies. am i going to be satisfied with a salary lower than others? am i going to be satisfied being a secondary school teacher and teaching students all kinds of concepts which will be proven wrong as they advance in their education? no, i am not. so what is it that i can do? how can i.. or rather, how do i convince myself.